Sometimes, you're scared to let go of someone because u cant imagine him or her being with someone else and yes, it sounds selfish but that's how our minds work. What's the point of looking for someone new when u know he's or she's everything to you? You know what i really want and what i am really trying to say? What i really want is to wake up and tell myself "Hey, I'm ok. I'll be alright!". Being in love is not what makes me smile,It's who I'm in love with that does. I know exactly how that is, to love somebody who doesn't deserve it because they are all you have. The world is gonna throw us millions of reasons why the relationship isn't workout but all we need is one reason why it will. In my thought, if u looked inside a girl's heart, you would see how much she really cries. You'd find hidden secrets, best friends, truth and lies but what you'd see most is how hard it is to STAY STRONG. When nothing is right and everything is wrong. Sometimes i wonder, what a person can do? But then i think of you and the wonderful things you do and how they've changed me forever. The hardest thing in this world is to find someone who knows all your flaws,differences and mistakes but still loves everything about you. And everytime i try to give up, hope whispers "ONE MORE TRY". :]
I listen this when I'm having my breakfast The best I've ever heard till now.
Chris: totally beyond hyper Will: jamming out on the drums, ttly in the music Johnny: rocking out on the guitar Guy: totally chill just relaxed
Coldplay - Lost lyrics
Just because I'm losing Doesn't mean I'm lost Doesn't mean I'll stop Doesn't mean I'm in a cross
Just because I'm hurting Doesn't mean I'm hurt Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve No better and no worse
I just got lost Every river that I've tried to cross And every door I ever tried was locked Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
You might be a big fish In a little pond Doesn't mean you've won 'Cause along may come A bigger one
And you'll be lost Every river that you try to cross Every gun you ever held went off Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
I’m the beloved trouble maker in your life. I’ve never meant to mess up your life. Your life is miserable but it becomes more miserable when I came into your life. I’m so sad right now because you’re sad. I know why you have a preference to sleep. It’s not because you were tired but because you don’t want to feel the soreness. I can feel your emptiness. I’m worthlessness for not completing your life. I’m sorry… I wish I could make you smile. I wish I could be your guidance angel. I wish I could be perfect in your eyes. I can’t even read your mind. Maybe I’m trying so hard. I’m sorry I’m not as special as her. But my dear… you deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel the joy of life. You deserve to smile. You deserve to love and to be loved. You deserve to live with respect and dignity before you depart from this earth. So forgive me because I act so silly all this while Forgive me because I so chaotic overthinking about us. Hope when you wake up in the morning. With a promise You'll feel better If you read this song like a love letter.
I just want you to know that I love you so deeply. thats all I want you to know.
I've captured these photos about 2 years ago when I went to Mandai Zoo, Singapore. These are the three white tigers that had mauled a poor Malaysian zoo cleaner to death last Thursday. Nevertheless, I still love white tiger because it so idiosyncratic and idyllic. Im keen to hug a tiger.
2. 2 dozens of J.Co Assorted Donuts. Make it 3 dozens. 4…okay2...Stop it ezze.
I prefer white choco & cheese flavour...yum yum. Can I have them during my birthday? Replace my birthday cake with J.Co donuts. Seriously... I’m so into J.Co donuts right now. (Mcm org mengidam. Am I pregnant? Damn... Who’s the unlucky daddy? hehe). Why I’m so into J.Co’s donuts? It was this time; my mum went to Batam last year, she brought back a dozen of J.Co donuts just for me and asked me to taste them. OMG… the taste was scrumptious especially the cheesy donut… The end. :]
4. I want my Sony PSP Slim&Lite back. (I miss my PSP so much). It’s been 2 3 months I haven’t seen my doll. Sure dah jahanan. Last time E’met borrows it from me. Then it smashed but he didn’t tell me. But I knew it because there was scratched on my doll’s body. huhu. :[ And now my psp is ting tong like me. Why cant people handle others’ belongings with care? I love my doll. Now, my bro still borrow it and I don’t know what happen with my doll: ) When I get back my doll, I need to reboot it and do some make over. She needs a new-fangled make up. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……….:]
5. Koh Phangan on January next year. Like seriously, can I have a splendiferous party moment during my birthday? Plus, an adventure trip. Era xoxo, Qissy and HerObama, do make my wish come true. xoxo
6. Vespa GTV250 is semaphoring me. Can’t wait to start working, save some money and buy this mobile doll.
7. Last but not least, below entry is my ultimate craving.
Okay… Now I get it. Now I have come up to realize that I don’t have any job ambition. I’ve been searching for a job at jobstreet.com for almost a day (typical lame job seek website for a jobsick like me.hehe.) What I did was clicking on search job tab and starting ticked on preference location and my specialization. Ignored the position level, years of experience, job type, job posted since. (For you guys that have often search a job at jobstreet.com, you’ll be much familiar with these types of selection). And lastly, I clicked a blue-squared button that typo-Search Job. Okay, let me see it…
Public Relations Public Relations Public Relations Public Relations Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Bitch Bitch Bitch Blah Blah Blah Public Relations Public Relations Public Phone
Lots job offerings. You just name it; really…It’s all there! But then, none of them really amuse my eyes, caught my attention, my desire, my craving. Okay, I am getting fed up of it. I don’t want to work but as the world rotate clockwise, I still have to work but damn man. I don’t know what the kind of job that I’m into right now.
All I think right now is…my time is running out. I have to find a suitable job, so that by the time I go back to my home sweet home; I may give my mum an algebra kisses on her freckles-cheek and tell her that I’ve got a job!! (Yeah right…I’m dreaming) Actually, I’m not really worry about me but I worry about her. All I think right now is I have to start give her monthly pocket money starting from next year until my last breath (So that she can shut her mouth. hehe...jahat sial aku...hehe). I have huge responsibility towards her. I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to depend on her anymore and my beloved uncle Mohan because they have already helped me a lot and I believe they will always going to support me which is I prefer not (sound egoistic!).
This is because most probably next year, I’ll turn up 2+ years old and it’s my turn to embrace that responsibility towards my weird atypical lovely family. FYI my dearest guests and blog-readers, she expects more the merrier from her an atypical beautifool daughter. Okay…I’m stressing out now. Damn. Please don’t be traumatic. When it comes to my mum, I always turn out be traumatic. Mum…mum…your outstanding voice and overthinking thoughts always volcano-shake my soul and mind. Seriously, this drives me crazy.
I’m sleepy right now, it already 5.00 a.m in the morning. I need to unplug myself and wake up again tomorrow. And do the same thing. But I still haven’t start prepare my curriculum vitae. Or not, I may end up become an atypical unwilling slave employee in Sales Department of the Southeast Asia’s second largest Telecommunication Company. This is my last chance to survive. I hate this job!
It was 11st November 2008, I’ve received a sms from Erry and he’d wished me “Happy 4th Years Anniversary:)”. I was surprised because I’ve never thought that he would sent me an anniversary wish because we've already broke up about 5 months ago. But then, it’s so sweet of him because he still remembers our day and he has guts to wish me. And I’ve replied to him, wishing the same thing. Even we are not in relationship but we are still friends. Jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan. We can only plan but Allah decides it.
What i was thinking along my way from KTM Kuala Lumpur to Puduraya is "Why am i here? and What makes me born in this world?" I just dont know what the purpose of me living in this world. I just walked and i was unconscious & I don't know why am i walking towards Puduraya and i felt lost. Yes, the word LOST is the term that accurately described my feeling/mind at that time. I have live in this world for almost 24 years but im empty. I lost my dad when i was 13 years old. I wasn't by his side when he died. I didn't went to his funeral instead i went to school like nothing happened. I can still smile in front of my friends and i didn't told them that my dad has gone. im WEIRD! (maybe i can't accept the fact that he was gone.) But then, when i'm alone... I cried out loud...All my sorrows were tearing out and then i fallen into sleep. That when i was 13 years old.
During my toddler stage...I'd less seen my dad. I'd less spent my time with him. I didn't know where he went, what he did, why he wasn't with me?? Lotsa questions were questioning myself. I don't have answers for those questions. But what i knew was, I'd pray to God Lord above to bond my parents together again. Make us stay together and live happily ever after like a fairytale end. But my prays were never came true because dad passed away. i felt empty and lost. Dad wasn't on earth anymore. He'd left me alone with two brothers and a mum. Maybe, cat as well (i can't remember) At that time, I didn't know what to do with my mum, even worst... I hate my mum... Ohhh..that was the hardest part. Can you believe me? I hate my mum because my dad was passed away. I'd blame her for the lost of my dad. I didn't want to share anything with her. For me, she the reason I'm lost.
However, as years passing by... I've learned and accepted her presence in my life. Even I've accepted her in my life, sometimes we've argues, we've fights and sometimes she makes me smile. That my mum. Now, I love her so much even though sometimes, she's trying to control my future and my life. I don't like my future to be control because I've planned. Yes, I've planned "things" in my life. And i prefer to keep it secret within me. I hope "things" come true before i depart from this earth.
By the way mum, thanks for being the opposite one in my life. I've learned a lot from you. You've taught me to be extraordinary and different from others. I salute and cherish you, You face your life with faith, dignity even sometimes a lil bit fake...and you've get
through it. You don't care what people say about you because you know yourself so well and know what is the best for you. And i hardly beg and praise to God that God will add up your agefor another 100 years... so that i can die together with you. I don't want to live in this world alone.
It takes a moment to adapt my reflection in his life. The reflection is still there. I'm reflecting my life in his life. It's not just a reflection of life. It reflects my inner-self like a dolly sees herself reflect on a barbie doll. It is the same reflection. No dimensions between the refletion. No obstacles during the reflection of itself. The reflection remains in a moment. The moment that I would not ever forget because the reflection only comes once in a blue moon. Unless the reflection and a blue moon are willing to reflect each others. Like my reflection in his life.
♥Tuesday, November 04, 2008
why should a robot be so emotionally when everyone know that a robot don't have a heart.
I never had the chance to tell you how much I loved you until I sat by your bed side stroking your brow like you use to do when I was little. I wiped the sweat from your brow, and the tears from your eyes. I often wondered how you felt when you realized that you weren't going to make it. The way you opened your eyes and saw us crying over you. How frightened you must have been. I wish I would have taken that feeling from you, like the way you use to do for me when I was afraid of facing my fears. I never was the type of person to hug and kiss you dad. I wish I could have done it more.
I have to face that bitter truth, the one I dreaded, but knew I would have to face. You have left me. You are gone. The most important man in my life, my father. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you died. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am so very sorry. I'm sorry I lost you. I'm sorry I don't have you with me.
Who is going to tell me when I'm doing it wrong and give me guidance? Who is going to protect me, when I need protection? Who is going to love me in the same unselfish, and unconditional way that you did? I want you back dad. I want you here with me. I want you to tell me what to do. I want that hug that you would give me and told me everything would be O.K., even though neither you nor I knew what would happen. I want your smiling face, deep voice of reassurance, your hug, your touch, your love.
I've tried talking to you, but you don't answer. When I pray to God, I get a warm fuzzy, so I know God is listening, but when I pray to talk to you, I get cut off, and everything is cold. Are you there? Do you still love me dad? Do you remember me?
I want to spend time with you, be with you, talk to you, have fun with you, be able to have you tell me the wise thing to do. How do I go on without you? I miss you so much dad. I don't want you to be dead; I want you here with me. I wish you could come home. I really wish you could come home.
I love you dad. i just want you. You are the only man that i need until my last breath. These days it has been torture. I have been hiding my feelings of sorrow, aching pain, and grief. I can't cry. You always knew that I was the strong one.
MY LIFE IS A FORIEGN.
kindly Click Here or Press Alt F4 if you hate me.
Ezzeline.
I don’t need you Attitude, I have one of my Own.
I established on 1985.
hate school, love university.
ugly betty is my bestfriend.
I attached to chris martin!
Don't expect me to be normal, b'coz i suck at it
Taggie Box.
I can either be your bestfriend or your worst enemy.
LX 150 Vespa.
my own S.E MyVi.
